Realization 101 Today: I love to cover it up. I love to pretend like the bad stuff never happened. I love to only look at the world through my rose colored glasses and disregard the crappy, not so pretty things in my life.
Tonight in my Thursday night group, we were asked if the topic of God has ever caused a rift or a strain in a relationship within our families. My quick answer was "no, not that I can think of." But then I started to think, and I came up with a fairly recent example and at that moment I felt as if a ton of bricks fell on top of my chest.
I discovered that whenever unpleasant things happen, I sweep them under the rug and hide them in deep, dusty corners of my consciousness. It is as if all of the sudden *poof* they never existed. While it's nice for the time being, I wonder if that's really healthy in the long run? When, times like tonight, the weight of unhappy moments crush my heart.
I had more on my mind but I'm just going to let it fade back into the dusty corners where it belongs. No need to rain on a perfectly good parade. Is it so wrong to choose naivety?
At what price does the naivete come? Does pushing things into the back of your mind come at the cost of not extending forgiveness? We are called to forgive.
ReplyDeleteDoes pushing things under the rug destroy relationships? Does it erode faith?
Does it leave you with baggage, subconscious or otherwise, that will rear its ugly head and weigh you down when you least expect it?
I don't know the answers, and I suspect its different in every case. I like to shrug weight off, too, and push it under my ever expanding carpet, but I've found, for me, it often comes at the cost of not forgiving people or not forgiving myself. And while I may not think about the weight all the time, when I do think about it, it's crushing. And I could let it go if I dealt with it.
At the same time, there are minor things that I sweep away never to be heard of again, and I love that I can do that. I love that I can move on and enjoy life.
Good, albeit short, blog. I'll be thinking about it.
All good questions (wish I had seen this before the wedding so that we could have actually had a conversation!)
ReplyDeleteAs far as this story goes, I've forgiven and forgotten. But your question made me think back to other instances where I've only just forgotten. I can't think of many, but once I dig them all back up, they seem too insignificant to bury them again.
As for the subconscious baggage, I think that only happens in terms of past relationships. I've been able to adjust my attitude toward men to where I realize they aren't all Dbags...until they prove me right.